Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
