Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
