If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
