i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
