no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
