Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
