question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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