I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
