I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
