i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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