Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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