So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
