Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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