I hate all girls vehemently.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
