My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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