I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ketchup is God's man juice
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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