I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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