Say something about gay babies.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
