): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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