where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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