Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
