You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
