Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
