He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
