Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
