I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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