Quick, to the slutcave!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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