I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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