i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
