i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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