You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
