THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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