There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
