Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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