Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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