the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
