Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
