please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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