dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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