In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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