i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
