but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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