why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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