We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
