its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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