All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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