does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
