I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
