Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I supernannyed him into submission
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
