I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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