First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
my liver is dry heaving
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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